Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Writing contest

I am entering a contest that the school newspaper, the Daily Universe, is holding to celebrate something having to do with the "literary""juggernaut" Twilight. The challenge is to write a story under 100 words that is so cheesy, so delightfully amateurish it just makes your eyes bleed yet excites you and sells a billion copies. The example they gave, along with contest rules, is found here.

My humble entries:

Shandon and Idiala by Alan Rosenhan

Shandon gazed forlornly into the tinted windows of the Wendy’s, scornfully eying the red shirt Idalia was clad in, the red shirt that kept them apart for two hours a day after school. His eyes cast themselves earnestly across the emptied dining room, stopping but for a single halting moment, distracted by a sallow mark on an otherwise glossy Bakelite dining table. Or was it Formica? Perhaps particle board covered in Masonite? He did not know, all he knew was that these tables lacked the high cheekbones, delicate nose, and sparkling green eyes that his Idiala had. The classy yet reserved décor of a Wendy’s restaurant could never compete.

Lacta and Bruno DeFiglia by Alan Rosenhan

“What else is on my shopping list?” Lacta asked herself. She always spoke in the first person, Lacta felt that speaking to oneself any other way was demeaning. “I have a limited budget this month and I have to choose between buying these delicious red strawberries, coruscating as rubies can in only their wildest ruby dreams, or purchasing these soft, velvety kiwis with skins like chamois, so firm to the teeth yet so easily yielding to the tongue.” The grocer, Bruno DiFiglia, stretched his hand, stained purple in the juice of millions of tantalizing blueberries, towards her.

Casparella and Baseball by Alan Rosenhan

Casparella loved baseball. The sensuous turns of the hips of the champion home-run hitters, the smooth, tight grain of the ashen Louisville Sluggers they wielded. Her favorite part, however, was the chalk lines leading both to and away from home plate. The pure, authentic white of the chalk simply gleamed from the vermillion of the base paths. No doubt the bedazzling white of the lines were beacons, taking successful hitters away from home and after, guiding them safely back. How they shone afore the emerald grass! How the contrast between the verdant turf, the rouge of the infield dirt, and the immaculately hoary lines stirred her heart!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Hoisted by my own Petard!

Oy heavens! When I order food, I usually order it in a funny accent to brighten up the otherwise mundane task that food ordering is. Today, I was Quebeçois, because I was wearing a shirt for a hockey team.
"Uh, ahello, ah would pleeze lahk an amburger"
"Okay. (something in French I did not understand)"

CRAP! My jig is up! Think fast, man!

"Uh, no-uh please. I ahm here to study in English and I must. Did you serve your missyion en Quebec?"
"No, Paris."

CRAP.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Army Army Army, woohoo

So man, a few awesome things have happened lately. I should jump back and tell of some not-so-awesome things, but this isn't a friggin' journal! It's a blog!

I have been going to ROTC lately, and it is everything I have ever dreamed of. Waking up at 5:00 for PT and meetings, wearing an Army uniform, marching, crawling around in the dirt, shooting stuff, the list goes on...

We haven't shot anything yet. This coming weekend we get to go to Camp Williams for a field training and HOOBOY I am excited! We get to qualify with M-16s (the Captain said, quote "You can qualify with M-16s, correction, you WILL qualify with M-16s and we will stay at the range until you do so." I got to go shooting when I was on *MY* mission and I qualified as a 19 year old missionary punk, it should be no sweat to do so now as a hardened 23 year old soldier.

I am going to the leadership camp this summer where I get my rating that the Army is going to use to put me in whatever branch I am going to serve in for the rest of my life. I hope I get a good enough rating to go into aviation and fly Blackhawks or Apaches. If not, there are a grundle of other things that I would want to do; be in intelligence and do translating or whatever, Armor, JAG, Special Forces (I am a wuss but I speak friggin' Arabic), loads of stuff. I am bound to get at least one.

Okay, the reason this weekend was so great is related to this. I got some boots that fit and look good, I passed my PT test, I aced my physical (I have 20/10 vision sucka) and I got all my paperwork turned in, so I am IN! All I have to do is sign the contract and I start getting paid and my small family is financially made until I get killed and Julie has to start dicking around with my life insurance so she gets paid.

Hooah.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

So put your hands UP! UP!

If you think about it, "Single Ladies" by Beyoncé is an anthem of male empowerment. Yes, yes, I said male empowerment and I meant it.

Sure, it looks like a song about a proud, strong single lady on the heels of a breakup, going to a club and putting 'drink' in her 'cup' but the chorus of the song is a plaintive cry for her man to have 'put a ring on it.' She desired a ring, she gave permission, but he didn't do anything about it.

Men! Women are crying out to us to put rings on them! Rise up and do so! Empower yourselves and put [rings] on [them]!

Saturday, August 1, 2009

In the Army now

Okay, not yet. I have made my decision. Thanks to the help and advice of two valued friends out here in Jordan, I have decided to join the Army. I will be taking Military Science 321 this fall semester, the next class in winter, and going to Kentucky next summer to train. After that, I will have my senior year, go to Washington that summer, then get commissioned as a U.S. Army officer.

Really, I am quite excited. Being in the military is something I have wanted my whole life. In spite of my recent hippy ramblings, I have never thought it was a bad idea. There are times when I wanted to convince myself that it was, to justify some sort of pride or sate a rebellious streak, but those days are over. Julie and I have talked about it, she is okay with it, and we are going to be a military family.

Now, I just have to decide how long. I fully want to make a career out of it, go for twenty or even forty years and then retire, but we will see after my five year agreement is up. Captain and Mrs. Rosenhan will re-evaluate our lives.

Monday, July 27, 2009

A little tougher today

We combined the two previous routes to get as much uphill action as we could. The first little bit was uphill, then a slight downhill, then the grueling uphill for over half the way. You can bet my hamstrings are killing me!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Another jog, this one a little shorter. Only 23 minutes today. It was supposed to be but two miles, but we missed the turnaround and kept running.